walk it out [a performance piece]

yeah so what makes a man a man
head on top, two arms and a tan
is it that thing he says when he’s walkin past her in the club?
ya know that...uhm whassup
or is it that cadence that he finds while he struts
or is it when he leaves that boy with bruises and cuts
or is it when he takes a trip to ATL
all dressed up lookin fly as hell
got girls turnin heads goin “unh, unh i’d like him to take me back to the hotel”
yeah that’ll do it without a doubt
get him thinkin’ all he has to do to be a man is walk it out

yeah i walk it out every now and then
but you better believe i know that don’t make me a man
see i’ve got somethin deep down inside
somethin worthy of a woman’s pride
somethin so beautiful that when i walk outside
i get the attention of the girls and the guys
they see somethin deep within
creatin the spin and replacin the gin with somethin substantial
somethin that you cannot see when you look in a mirror
somethin that you cannot find downtown at 3am on a thursday night
somethin that i searched my whole life for, only to realize that it was mine from the start
yeah so what makes a man a man
i’ll tell ya this much
it’s not your iPhone made in Japan
it’s not Pro Football or ESPN
it’s not an ounce and a gun in ya hand
it’s not that Buckhead consulting job makin 80 grand
nah, nah
it’s more like
puttin your Buckhead dollars in a bucket at church
or uh
takin your kids out on a saturday night cause you love ‘em so much it hurts
or uh
showin up at your girlfriend’s place at 7am sunday mornin with breakfast to show her just how much she’s worth
or uh
standin up to your best friend when you know what he’s doin is wrong
and you love him so much you gotta tell him it won’t be long
till he’s just another fella out in the mix at the mall
with nothin to make him a man but his biceps and his damn booty call

yeah so back to that question, “what makes a man a man?”
if you gotta ask, my brotha, you obviously don’t yet understand

alive [a performance piece]

i wanna feel alive
i wanna feel alive like...like alive alive, ya know?
i wanna feel alive like i thought it was monday mornin but i just realized it sunday instead
i wanna feel alive like it's 10:30 am and i still don't have to roll outta bed
i wanna feel alive like a mother who just had a child
like a child who just realized he had a mother
like a father who just realized he had a son
i wanna feel alive like an 80 year old man with a winning ticket just figuring out that he's won
i wanna feel alive like i just bought a new iPod
i wanna feel alive like a child having his first connection to God
i wanna feel alive like a river noticing the breeze for a change
i wanna feel alive like a man who loves a woman and for once he's not ashamed
i wanna feel alive like a man who loves a woman and for once he's not ashamed
i wanna feel alive like a woman who found a man and for once he remembers her name
i wanna feel alive like i'm downtown on the corner of college and clayton street
and i notice a crumbled man on the steps cardboard at his feet
and i notice a girl with heels walking past not knowing what it means not to eat
and i notice the man barely move his head to say god bless you please help me
and i notice she almost walks faster but instead steps back
and i notice she pulls a small book from her pink and black northface backpack
and she takes the man's hands into hers and she says
i love you, my brother
take this and be blessed
and i wanna feel alive like a man on the corner
who one day met a northface angel
and slept that night with an empty stomach but a full heart
and slept that night without a lover but filled with love

and i wanna feel alive like i found out what it feels like to be loved by a complete stranger
and i wanna feel alive like i walked into this room and was loved by complete strangers
and i wanna feel alive like all day long i've been saving the world in my brown lunch bag and arrive home tired and exhausted and i sit down as the sun sets over heart break and lost soldiers and empty beds and hurricanes and counseling and poetry and everything else
and i open my brown lunch bag, and take my first bite
and i'll be free
and i'll be loved
for tonight

lost&stumbling

where are we now?

i thought you were mine and i was yours and we'd be fine in a few more months and everyone would be surprised because we made it further than anyone else.

i thought i was doing everything right that i had tried so hard to fight for my manhood for being exactly what you would appreciate and love and i thought that i was doin just fine

where are we now?

love songs

miles davis poured through the cracked door like the sweet wine we'd been drinking all afternoon
the melody of a love song drifted into our ears and stayed there, teasing us and flirting with our fluttering hearts
the sheets were cold because we like them cold
our bodies were warm because we were, at last, together
and i kissed you softly

miles davis reminded me of everything that i saw in love and everything i wanted to feel, touch, taste
the melody of our bodies moved slowly together in a rhythm that did not match the music, but instead matched something deeper--it was a cadence we created ourselves--we were improvising like the jazz but, as is true for all real jazz, we ignored the rules.
the sheets were no longer in the way
our bodies were no longer separate
and i kissed you softly

as miles played the most beautiful tune
i have ever heard.

454

she was thinking about me all week
i was thinking about her

she was thinking of all the stories she'd heard
everything that she grew up believing
all the people she knew and loved
and what they would think
if they knew what she was thinking

i was thinking about her

she was thinking about the distance
about exactly how long it takes to drive
454 miles north
about exactly how far 454 miles is from feeling safe
and she was thinking about what i might be thinking

i was thinking about her

she was alone and so was i. both of us played it like we were constantly surrounded and ok and not hurting and not scared and not 454 miles from sanity miles from safety miles from home miles from love miles from contentment miles from late night car rides and early morning kisses and afternoon surprises and evening dinners and not 454 miles from a tuxedo and a beautiful dress miles from dancing to terrible 80's punk rock while pretending to be salmonella miles from a bed with green sheets and a sky with ominous clouds and open windows and making the sound of the wind with our mouths and laughing for hours and miles from laughing and

i am thinking about you
always.

sand castles

love doesn't show favorites

love is more like the tide than anything else
yeah maybe it's just like a tide
and maybe he is just mad because
he has worked for years to build up a massive castle
to defend his heart from the crashing waves
and the walls are reinforced with beach sticks
and there's a moat and a secondary wall, too
and lookout posts with sticks and carefully selected shells on them
it's one of those castles that you build with a real metal shovel
and people stop as they walk by to admire it's strength
and he worked hard on that castle
but he can't stop the tide
and as it relentlessly breaks down his walls
he can barely stand to see the destruction
and as his heart is washed out to sea
he is still thinking about his demolished castle

without realizing that it is floating out
to the most beautiful sunset

inescapable kind of love

i am driving down the highway
at 75 miles per hour
and she is on my mind

i am flying through the day to day
at 4-5 emails an hour
and she dances in my head

i am writing poetry about other things
but they all quickly turn into love poems
for her

it's that inescapable kind of love

and it feels goood

we sat by the window

it was drizzling outside so she wore her north face jacket
she was a few minutes late, i could tell she was nervous
suddenly i was overwhelmed by an unexpected excitement

i was a bone-dry, cracked, desert-beaten tongue
talking to her as a free man
was the sweetest soul-quenching water i had ever tasted

wooden floors in georgia

she wanted me to spin her again
treated me like i was the best dancer she'd ever known
i wasn't that good but her eyes sure did sparkle as she spun

that's exactly how you fall in love

every day on the way to spanish

i noticed that we caught eyes every day
every single time i passed her
i wasn't used to a girl looking for me

extropy

extropy

it's a funny concept ain't it

while we're all thinking about our problems and ourselves and our days and our lives and our long-lost-loves and our regrets and our promotions and our GPA's and our lovers and our neighbors' wives and our families and our families' problems and our government and our caskets and our regrets and our jobs and our lovers and our beautiful children and our regrets and our concepts and our parents' parents' concepts and our puny concepts and our failing sex organs and our overactive minds and our half-empty beds and all the other shit we think about

none of us is thinking about
how we're all systematically moving away from each other
in a nice, orderly, conceptual fashion

i guess we'll deal with that when it gets to be a problem

she sits on a wall

she sits on a wall about 6 feet up
she swings her legs and she smiles at me
i am not used to it; i wasn't expecting it

see that's exactly how you fall in love
and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise

addiction

i was told a story once
it led me to believe in love
and i trusted my mother and father
and i loved women without fear

i painted myself and nearly let her die

i promised myself i would never love again

i lynched myself with love's noose

never would i love again
i did not cry with them on their knees
i did not cry when my love died
i did not cry when i thought i died

i did not love again
until you.

lonesomnia

souls tap on the window
toilets squeal in the next room
next-door parties are deafening and penetrating
thoughts eat hours and discard their nutrients

this is the lonesomnia

this is the slowest minute of the day
and the farthest mile of the universe

distance is to happiness

:: as ::

"lonesomnia" is to comedy